- The Maori king: huffing and puffing, suffering from gout at 140 kg and very unhealthy.
- The wife of the Maori king: big aint beautiful, a real whale of a woman that weighs in at 150 kg. The other day they shot a whale that got stuck on the beach. The poor thing.
- Rangi Whakaruru: wider than he is tall, humongous and a stunning 170+ kg breaks the scales.
- Rahui Papa: Papa’s countless days of boozing are the reason for his solid 130 kg. Noted for slipping out back for a quick fix when he gets the “shakes”.
- Tom Moana: Tainui’s very own convicted fraudster does the fat guy shuffle with his 140 kg.
- Tuku Morgan: the runt of the pack weighing in at 100 kg is the “skinny” guy but the flatulence is unbearable!
Living off the fat of the land, literally. A fellow named Ronald McDonald is not to blame for this debacle, although the apologists for the fatties would have you believe otherwise!
The good times won’t last forever and obesity is the biggest killer so the coronaries are bound to strike when least expected.
The phone number for Jenny Craig is 0800 502 302 or would the number of the undertaker be more appropriate?