Tainui’s top House Niggas for 2013

Dear Friends, 2014 is almost upon us, and we could not reach the end of 2013 without recognizing Tainui’s top House Niggas for the year. They appear in order of importance.

1. Rangi Wallace Whakaruru – this obeese house-nigga would be at the top of the list every year since he burst into prominence around ’08. Having tremendous influence over that buffoon of a king, and more importantly – the king’s purse – millions of dollars worth of donations have simply vanished into thin air. This fool also acts as the king’s mouthpiece, and judging by the volumes of ‘royal proclamations’, rubbish pretending to be written by the king himself – Rangi has fooled nobody – apart from the royal buffoon.
2. Tukuroirangi Morgan – needing little if any introduction, this nigga was booted from the executive committee after it was revealed he lined his pockets with huge amounts of tribal money, and racked up millions of dollars worth of lawyers bills while blocking Te Kauhanganui actions and attempting to stop the release of the tribal financial reports from his time as chairman. Despite getting the nigga-boot from Te Kauhanganui for spending all the money, Morgan conned his way back in when he convinced the buffoon of a king to betray Greg Miller. Tuku will never make it to the top of the list while Rangi is around as Whakaruru has threatened to expose details of this nigga’s homosexual activities in case he gets too uppity.
3. Rahui Papa – the hard boozing, smoking, and gambling nigga makes the list simply because he’s a loudmouth who hoodwinked the Raukawa tribe into paying a $100,000 bribe to the king, the nigga did not pay back $10,000 he took from the tribe a couple years back, and he took money from Morgan’s million-dollar river cleanup scam. What a true house-nigga!
4. Waikato River Authority – these niggas weren’t even on the radar until they revealed their true agenda – which is to hand over truckloads of cash to Tuku Morgan and his mates. It becomes plain to see that the WRA niggas were hand picked by Tuku Morgan for the job and they performed as expected when their master pulled the strings and they coughed up a million dollars!
5. Movers & Shakers – this bunch of niggas rises on occasion for various reasons: Mike Pohio pushing his billion dollar con project, Hokimai Chong who bumbled into his very first executive meeting when Tuku Morgan ordered him to get rid of Tom Roa, Parekawhia Mclean still demonstrating her propensity for being Tuku’s patsy, nigga P. Rawiri down on his knees every time he gets a call from Morgan, vice chairwoman T. Mahuta simply for being such a dopey nigga!

Lets see what the new year brings? Can we expect it be any different? God help us!

Happy holidays!